Yes, all of our husbands/partners, work hard. But I married a stagehand, and for those of you who don’t know what he does, he works at the Lyric Opera. The performances we all watch (if you attend the opera)…. he actually built that. He has also done stuff for the tweeter center, Lala Palooza, Wrigley Field, etc. the list goes on. What that means to me…. is a husband who is never home, like ever. For example. Last Saturday he started work at 8 am and he did not come home until I picked him and his cousin up from work on Sunday 8:30 pm. They worked those hours straight through. Maybe each received a 2 hour nap, but that was it. From that day, they have not had a day off and have worked 8am until midnight or 10 pm, everyday. But let’s not forget he also spends two extra hours in commuting. He leaves the house at 6am and like last night, he came home at 1am. They do not get vacation time, sick time, nor guaranteed two days off a week. He once went almost three months without a single day off. How he does it I have no idea.
So what does this means for me? Why am I writing this post? I am using this blog as to express my real life lifestyle and here is it. A life of learning to do things, & attend things, alone. This is not a poor me pity post, this is me expressing it’s hard, and when I vent, I feel better. But in saying so, I knew what I signed up for when I met him, I knew what I was marrying when I married him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. I will admit this life is very lonely, and not for the weak. Most days Matthew comes home from work exhausted…& then there is me like a two year old waiting at the door for mom to walk through. All I wanna do is talk and talk and talk. I just want to be near him, touch him, kiss him, have him say nice things to me. I mean I haven’t seen you in what it feels like two weeks, I NEED some attention. At this point I’m dying for it. But a lot of time what I get is a sincere side smirk smile and a “hey babe” which then he goes to plop on the bed. Last night, I had already been sleeping by the time he came home. So I know it’s petty of me to get upset when he doesn’t shower me with attention, I know. But I still do. I’m not one who needs their man to be obsessed with her, but as stated in my previous post, I need the reassurance. This is when I hit those days were I just want to cry when he comes home because I need him to understand where I am coming from, & the sucky part is he is trying to have me understand where he is coming from. He always admits he never means to not pay attention to me, he’s just dog a** tired. This is the hard part of our life, finding balance. I have to learn to be there for him when all he is doing is missing home, and just wanting sleep, and he has to learn how to still “make me feel loved” as I call it. He really hates when I say that because it sounds to him as I’m saying you don’t love me. haha…but all the time I’ll go in for the hug and say “make me feel loved” “tell me three nice things” “tell me why you love me” “are you sure you want to be with me forever” oh my, YES. Owning how I am to him. Fully admitting I get petty and over the top needy some days, but I can’t help it, because all day I have thought about how much I miss him. See I have all the time in the world for him (to an extent) and his life fully revolves around his job.
This is where relationships these days suffer. When times get tough, we rather run then put work at it. Like I have said a million gazillion times I am so proud of my husband, I am so grateful for him and what his job has allowed us to do, he really is the hardest working man I know. Sure he is lazy as HELL when he gets home, but who wouldn’t be. That’s where it gets hard for me, I also work downtown with a full time job and am out of the door by 7 am and getting home at 6:15pm. I am the one who handles the dogs all day, everyday, I am the one who cooks all the meals, cleans the house, and does all that “stuff” and when you’re married it’s hard because it makes you feel like you’re in it alone. But I am not. It’s also hard for me because right now it is just me and my dogs. I don’t have kids to entertain or talk too. Although…. right now if I did… that might be harder on me because he would never be around. Basically you are dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.
All in all, I feel terrible when I’m upset over needing my husband because it’s not like he’s out at the bar ragging with his friends. Instead, he is at work trying to provide us the best life. I get mad at myself for getting mad at him for not being around, not having a normal life, not being able to do things. I need to stop that because I know he’s mad he can’t do that stuff for me, or simply have a normal life for himself. But at the same time I am human, & an emotional woman. I miss you bud, I do, I want you to know how much I appreciate you, but I also almost cried myself to sleep last night because I miss you. But I didn’t because I was too tired to force the tears. Haha honestly, who am I?
This has also been a big drive in finding myself at 25. Learning to not rely on my husband for a life (although that’s the first person I want to do things with) learning to put my focus in my passion vs throwing myself a pity party and fighting with Matt. It’s teaching me so much in who I am, I cannont express that enough. That’s why I am so keen on letting that out and tryin to show everyone we choose our happiness, & our life. Make the change for the better. For all you girls and the husbands that are gone a lot, you’re not alone. You’re not wrong to be upset, that’s simply our life. I still would choose you everytime bud, so don’t be that upset in me being upset. Although your stubborn butt won’t be because you’re at work and tired… 😒🙄🙄
Sincerely, the girl who misses her husband really bad this morning and had time to write a post while being delayed due to “switch problems” get it together SouthWest!!!